Molly Reads 'Loki: Agent Of Asgard' (Part 2)

So, the third (and final?) volume arrived today, and here are my thoughts!

- Not sure how I feel about Loki's new form. Makes me think of a borderline-psychotic Hobbit.

- I also kind of miss when Verity was corporeal.

- Speaking of Loki and Verity, I'm a little disappointed that they didn't end up together-together, but she forgave him and saved him and it looks to me that they wander off into the great unknown together, so I'm okay with this. (Except for the non-corporeality thing. And Hobbit-Loki.)

- Lorelei and Sigurd are resurrected, which is awesome. And that bit with the sunglasses is awesome. And all instances when the gods use Midgardian firepower are awesome. This is some cracky-crack worthy of the best fanfic authors. To see that in canon works is rare and glorious.

- But what happens to Lorelei and Sigurd? And everyone else Loki preserves? (This is probably answered somewhere else; remind me to look it up.)

- King Loki is ...dead? Gone? Inert??? Awesome! (Albeit confusing.) But did they have to redesign him to look like early!AOA!Loki? Because no. (And what was with that weird kinda Loki/Loki moment?)

-Fem!Loki was so much better than Hobbit-Loki.

-So, is Loki technically genderfluid?

- This is a point about #11, actually, but it warrants mention. When Verity storms off because Loki 'can't change'...

1) seriously, Willis? You wanted him to tell you his whole criminal record?

2) your best friend is the God of Evil! You literally signed up for this! I don't know what you expected to happen.

3) honey, you can see through lies, and Loki can't tell them. When he tries to make excuses, chances are they're worth you listening to.

4) the fact that one of mythology's most famous antagonists took to cooking for you, was (sort of) worthy of Mjolnir for a while, and is the first person not to lie to you (that much) should be proof enough that people can change.

5) he did tell you about the whole infanticide thing. The fact that you chose not to believe him? That's all on you.

- WTF was going on in half of this?

- IS THERE AN ISSUE #18?

- Do people still write Loki/Verity, because I'm exhausting AO3's reserves.

- Loki is Chaotic Neutral. Called it.

-So...what happens next?

UPDATE: Apparently Loki is genderfluid. This makes me happy.

Molly Reads 'Loki: Agent Of Asgard'

Okay, so story time! On October 24th I went to my first ComicCon (Yay!) and picked up the collected Volume One of Loki:AOA. And I was hooked! Today my mum came home with Volume Two and I read it in about 20 minutes, which kinda sucks because #11 ends on a massive cliffhanger so I need Vol.3 ASAP!

But in the meantime, here are my thoughts!

- The Loki of AOA is aesthetically perfect. Just gonna leave that there
.

- I called Lorelei/Sigurd at the end of #5 and I was right! I kinda ship that.

- I'm also shipping Loki/Verity pretty hard right now. I called this in #2, when he promised her someday she'd meet someone who'd never lie to her. And okay, he kinda lied about the whole break-in in #5, and lies of omission are still lies (or are they? She never saw through it, and he can stand not correcting them!) but as of #11 he has total honesty (apart from lies of omission), and I feel like the Trickster who can only tell the truth and the human lie detector would be a great match!

- BUT there's Verity's inability to lie to herself. She can lie, but she seems to genuinely believe there's nothing between her and Loki. However, she never actually says this. She only says 'we're just friends'. Not that she doesn't have feelings for him. And she's been wrong before, about the crime that will not be forgiven...maybe she's misread something?

- Another issue with L/V - why would she refer to Amora as 'Heteronormativia'? Is this foreshadowing something? (It's possible I've just missed some backstory here - maybe this was explained pre-AOA or in another coinciding series? But still.)

- Loki/Amora was disgusting anyway. Maybe Original-Flavour L/A would have been less heinous, but Good!Amora/Good!Loki kinda made me want to throw up.

-To be honest, I'm cool with purely platonic Loki and Verity. I mean, there's no reason they should be anything more than badass best friends taking on whatever the worlds have to throw at them other than my own opinions. And the world needs more platonic male-female friendships. Whatever happens, I'm okay with it AS LONG AS THEY MAKE UP SOON!

-Kid Loki isn't really Kid Loki? Didn't see that coming...

- I'm starting to see how Loki Laufeyson, adorkable little shit who loves breakfast meats, becomes King Loki, psychopath on a level not seen since BBC's Moriarty committed (apparent) suicide on the roof of St Bart's. King Loki told Kid Loki (I'll use the name Kid Loki for the young incarnation here for clarity, even though it's not technically accurate) he 'cannot lie, even by accident' when Kid Loki stabbed him with Gram in #5, and Kid Loki says in Vol.2 (I forget which issue precisely) he 'cannot let a lie stand' since being hit with the truth wave caused in part by Gram.

- Speaking of Gram, did Thor/Odinson really destroy it for good?

- I hope Loki really can change his fate. I mean, Verity seems to believe he can (or at least she did in #6 - events of #11 seem to have changed this somewhat), and I genuinely think he wants to somehow make up for killing the real Kid Loki. I think he has changed, but the question is, can he stay changed?

I guess I'll find out in Vol.3...

[Please don't comment spoilers!]

The Outsider Hypothesis - A Fan Theory (Or: No Thanks, Pete)

Anyone familiar with the Harry Potter canon knows that (SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't read the books or seen the films) Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail, betrayed James and Lily Potter by revealing their location to Voldemort. We all know that, and we all hate him for it. What a douche.

But what we don't know is why, exactly, he chose this path. We're never told why Peter sold out his friends, leaving James dead, Sirius incarcerated for a crime he didn't commit, and the most vulnerable one, Remus, alone, left to pick up the pieces. (I have a lot of feels, okay?)

Recently my parents and I rewatched the films, and every time Pettigrew was onscreen I just felt so, so sad and would think to myself, what happened to you? How did you become this? I couldn't get my head around it.

But now I think I can.

It came to me the other day in a very easy and boring Biology lesson as I contemplated a world in which Sirius and Remus were a confirmed thing (long story). I remember thinking that, with James and Lily also a couple, Peter would be left as the awkward fifth wheel, and I felt pretty bad for the guy. Then it hit me- that's why he did what he did.

Allow me to explain. It's canon that Peter basically idolised James, and my personal headcanon that it's only through James that he became friends with Sirius and Remus. The whole MWPP dynamic appears to be James and Sirius, ringleaders of insanity, Remus, the more or less responsible one who stops James and Sirius accidentally killing someone, and then Peter.

Peter Pettigrew is the least intelligent, least talented, and least charismatic of the group. He is, and has always been, the least good Marauder. Seriously, ask anyone who their favourite Marauder is and I guarantee that no-one will say Peter, because no-one likes Peter. (Granted, that might have more to do with the whole selling-out-his-friends thing, but I think we can all agree that Wormtail was always crap.) But in spite of his chronic crapness and downright terrible Animagus form (more on this later), he has friends who have his back, and whom he looks up to.

With James and Lily a couple, however, James would obviously have interests outside of the Marauders, and, as a result, outside of Peter. The great and powerful MWPP alliance would still exist, of course, but in a slightly different form. And, post-Hogwarts, it goes without saying that, even with the Order of the Phoenix existing, there'd be some drifting apart. James would be closer to Lily, and Sirius and Remus would probably be closer to each other than to Peter, because Peter isn't all that great and the weak link is always the first to be cut. Harsh but true. It is established in canon that Sirius and James are BFFs and that Lily and Remus are also good friends. But where is Peter?

There's an episode of The Big Bang Theory where a devastated Amy uses a human brain (plus tumour) to explain what she believes is her place in her social group, and I'm going to apply this metaphor to the Marauders and Lily to explain where Peter fits.

Firstly, we have the creative, impulsive right side of the brain. That would describe Sirius and James.

Then, there's the logical, intelligent left side. That's Remus and Lily.

And Peter? Peter's the tumour. Enough said.

Perhaps Peter's place in the group is indicated canonically through the animal forms (and Patronuses, in the case of Lily) of the five.

We have James/Prongs, the stag, and Lily, the woman with the doe Patronus. We have Remus/Moony, the werewolf, and Sirius/Padfoot, the dog. And then Peter/Wormtail, the rat. Not only are James and Lily clearly marked out as a couple (being the male and female of the same species), but Sirius and Remus are clearly a compliment to each other (since they are both canine). And then there's Peter - not only the odd one out, but the smallest and least-interesting. Sure, he has a useful function in allowing the Marauders access to the passageway under the Whomping Willow, but that's about it.

And now, hypothetically, let's consider for a moment the concept of Remus and Sirius as a couple - the situation, from Peter's perspective, is even worse! He's now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the fifth wheel (rather than just a bit of one like before). I'm not saying that this was definitely the case, but it's certainly an interesting thought.

So to recap, we have Peter Pettigrew, sidelined by his idol and not quite sure of his place in the world outside of Hogwarts, of Gryffindor, and (it seems) of the Marauders. We can assume he's finding life after school hard to adjust to.

When you feel isolated, you become bitter or broken - and when you're bitter and broken, and you've spent your whole life in the shadow of others, you're open to manipulation. I think Voldy and the Death Eaters knew this. They identify Peter as the weakest and offer him a chance to help them. I repeat: they single out Peter, the one who, until now, has been almost constantly overlooked, and they make him feel like he's valuable. Even James didn't really do this - Peter was the Potters' Secret-Keeper, but only because Sirius reckoned no-one would think he would be. He was the second choice, chosen for an important job mainly because he wasn't good enough to be. That's not an honour! That sucks!

People tend to assume Peter only passed secrets to the Death Eaters because he was tortured or coerced, but I disagree. My theory is that Peter did what he did of his own free will. Let's consider the hypothesis in the previous paragraph. Voldemort and co show Peter attention, and Peter - lonely, broken, cast-off Peter - would do anything to keep it. Because that's what people do. Peter sold out the people he'd once cared about, but who no longer seemed to care so much about him, to someone who promised him the things he's been denied - power and recognition. We see this desire for attention clearly in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (PoA) and subsequent instalments of the series. He begs Ron not just to save him but to take him back, in rat form, as his pet. His role in Voldemort's organisation is 'lackey', and he never complains - he does everything asked of him willingly, even cutting off his own hand. Peter wants to please.

There is, however, potentially a darker undertone to his actions, in which everything I've said up until now holds true, but with one difference; just as Voldy came to Peter, Peter, jealous and bitter, goes to Voldemort. Betraying James and Lily is his way of enacting revenge for being constantly overlooked. In their final moments, they'll have no choice but to realise that Peter did this. They would have to remember him.

Voldemort knew Peter was weak, and Peter knew Voldemort could give him what he'd come to think of as justice. It's a symbiotic relationship.

It doesn't matter exactly what happened, though. This post never tried to establish that. What matters is that I think I understand why it happened. I think I understand why Peter transformed from the fourth Marauder, to the ultimate betrayer, to the sad, pathetic, grovelling creature - almost more rodent than human - we see in PoA and onwards.

This might not be your opinion (who knows? Maybe your version is closer to the truth!), but this is what makes sense in my mind.

[NOTE: Although I reference Wolfstar, I understand that it is not officially canon. The Wolfstar paragraph can be ignored if you do not ship it, since it is largely irrelevant to the theory]

[NOTE THE SECOND: Since I first posted this, I have learnt that Peter would have HAD to have given up the secret of his own free will. I'll take that as evidence]

[NOTE THE THIRD: I know in PoA Pettigrew says he gave up the secret out of fear and coercion, but that doesn't quite fit with the whole 'free will' stipulation of canon, and, given that Peter tries to shift the blame onto Sirius before that, we can assume that Peter Pettigrew is a dirty liar and there are alternative explanations]

Molly Encrypted and the Summer Of Weird

Ah, the 30th of August! That magical time when the miserable British summer gives way to the miserable British autumn (I have no idea when the official beginning of autumn is, but since I was a kid I've divided the seasons into December-January-February, March-April-May, June-July-August and September-October-November and I'm sticking with it no matter what the rest of the world thinks. Take that, social convention!)
And when I realise I only have four days until the start of Year Twelve.
So, with that in mind, I figured I should share some of the amusing, strange, unexpectedly happy-making, and downright stupid things that happened to me or that I have witnessed since the end of Y11.
In no particular order, we have:

1) That time in the Florida Mall food court with the Hufflepuff guy.
Dad and I were waiting for Mum to leave the toilets when this guy (or at least, someone I assume was a guy) walks past us in Hufflepuff robes. The two people he's with are just dressed normally, so I'll never know exactly why he was dressed in Hufflepuff robes, but this guy is my hero.

2) Slothgirl!
Long story short, my natural laziness led to my mother and I creating the concept of a new superhero named Slothgirl, who was bitten by a radioactive sloth. Her powers are mainly limited to being 'faster than a speeding snail' and being able to hang upside down from things, and I'm pretty sure regular people don't have this kind of conversation.

3) Molly Encrypted versus the Turnstiles Of Death.
In a recurring display of ineptitude, I kept forgetting how turnstiles work and got bruised because I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! Me as an adult will be a disaster. I'm old enough to join the army, but I can't get through turnstiles without injury.

4) Soyuz the Dancing Space Hamster.
Proof that nothing that comes out of my brain makes any sense whatsoever. Soyuz was a character in a dream I had in which my newly-adopted dancing hamster got to go to the Moon (complete with little spacesuit!) whilst my mission gets scrubbed. Perhaps Soyuz would make a good sidekick for Slothgirl?

5) Playing Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock with a scuba diver.
International Drive now has a Sea Life centre, and at one point in our visit (on the final day of the trip) two scuba divers are in the tank and one of them floats over to me and challenges me through the glass to Rock-Paper-Scissors. My dad tells me to do Spock, making it into the version popularised by The Big Bang Theory. She played Paper, meaning I technically lost, but I made her underwater-laugh, so I felt like a winner.

6) Dumb things people say in theme parks.
Universal Studios and Islands Of Adventure can collectively be described as 'Nerdvana with rides'. Between them, they have a whole zone dedicated to Marvel (which, ironically, is owned by Disney), two different Harry Potter areas (one in Universal, one in Islands Of Adventure, and connected by the closest thing Muggles will ever get to the actual Hogwarts Express - and if you haven't been on that thing in both directions you have not lived because it is the coolest thing ever), and a whole lot of merch for assorted fandoms that have no connection whatsoever to anything else in the park and very little, if any, to Universal.

And that, of course, is enough to grate on your geeky nerves when people look at/for something and you realise they have no idea what they're talking about.

These encounters range from the vaguely forgivable to the physically painful, but soon enough your righteous condemnation will give way to mocking condemnation and you can laugh at them, so it's not all bad.

The entry-level merch fail is something like this: you're in one of the many HP gift shops and your ears pick up the sound of two people attempting to find a copy of the Marauder's Map without knowing what it's called and so they've resorted to trying to describe it to each other in a way that makes it entirely clear that they've almost certainly only ever seen parts of the films, weren't rally paying attention to them, and are possibly illiterate because THE NAME IS PRINTED ON IT IN BLOCK CAPITALS MUCH LIKE THESE ONES! Meanwhile, you're fighting the urge to scream. Filthy Muggles.

Then there's the 'I know nothing at all about biology, superheroes or popular TV sitcoms, so instead I'll have a random guess at who this person might be' merch fail, like when some guy is looking at the magnet you just considered a second ago and saying 'look at the alien superhero guy!'. Who was on the magnet? Rajesh Koothrappali. You can hear Sheldon's disgust.

Still, neither of those are quite as horrendous as the time a year or so ago when, as we left Disney's Tattooine Traders, Mum overheard a guy indicate the sign and say 'look, you can get tattoos in there!' I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN STAR WARS AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT WAS A REFERENCE!

Sure, all these fails make me gnash my teeth, but they also make me laugh (at others because I'm a terrible person), so I guess it's all good?

7) Wolfstar.
When my mother found out I ship this (or more precisely, when she found out what it actually is) her response was 'Lupin and Sirius? Why?' and I could not give her an answer. I have no idea why I ship them. It just sort of...works. Ship happens, I guess. That's just the way of the world. But still...WHY DO I SHIP THIS? WHY DOES IT MAKE SO MUCH SENSE? WHY?

8) Gabriel is my guardian angel
In Florida, four rides broke down JUST as I was at the end. Some people were still stuck mid-ride, but my fmily and I were either just about to get off or almost at the point where you get off. We may well have a guardian angel, but I pointed out that aforementioned angel must like to mess with us. Then I realised that this angel was probably Gabriel. Thanks, Gabe!

That's all today, folks! Should anything else weird happen in the next few days, or I remember any more holiday anecdotes, I'll be making a part 2 of this!

Calling Planet Earth

I'm willing to bet that, at first glance, I'm exactly like anyone reading this.
I eat, breathe, sleep, just like everyone else.
I hate waking up in the mornings.
I'm a massive fangirl (and if you're looking at this thinking 'so not me' then you're lying. Everyone's a massive fan of something or someone) and colossal nerd (not applicable to everyone).
I like listening to music and watching TV.
Just like you.
Except I'm not. Not entirely.
Because I have Asperger's.
This post is me trying to explain a little about how that affects me.

If the first time you heard about AS was in the first episode of Glee's third season, then get out. Just kidding, please stay. In all honesty, though, forget that first impression. I'm under no illusions that all autistic people are perfectly delightful and not at all rude or self-centred like Sugar, but I think that when we are it's probably more Sheldon Cooper than Sugar Motta. The trait is probably born out of those with AS not being hardwired to understand social cues (I'm hardly an expert though, and I don't claim to be; all I'm doing is going by my own experiences and what I've read in the books my parents have on the subject) and not fully understanding that what they're saying might be considered offensive. But (and I'm looking directly at everyone involved in the creation of Sugar Motta here) there is a difference between being blunt and insulting people.

A common misconception is that all people with AS are geniuses. Not true. Not everyone is affected in the same way. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, but I'm not going to try and explain any further because, like I said, I'm really not am expert. Do you know everything about how being allistic(1) affects you? I'm a teenager, not a neuroscientist!(2) (I prefer forensics and quantum theory anyway.)

But I digress. This was supposed to be an essay (cue groaning from the back - I know, I hate essays too) on how my autism affects me. Still, this little bit of (possibly inaccurate) background may be helpful when reading!

I should start by explaining a bit about my personality, and I'll do that by listing fictional characters I relate to, because, as previously mentioned, I'm a fangirl. And it should be easier.
I've always seen a sort of mirror of myself in Sheldon and Amy from The Big Bang Theory. Both are intelligent, but he's incredibly idiosyncratic(3) and she alternates between insecurity (the episode where she feels like Penny and Bernadette have abandoned her actually made me cry because that's honestly the way I feel a lot of the time) and confidence, between being well-adjusted to society and sticking out like a sore thumb (why do we even say that?), and I also see a lot of myself in Supernatural's Castiel - understanding things our friends and families don't but having absolutely no idea how humans function (I spent my trip to Florida being wounded by turnstiles and I can't order in McDonald's).
And there's a fourth - Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter. And she's probably a better description of me than anyone else. She's in Ravenclaw, so she must be smart, but she shows a lot of creativity as well (another Ravenclaw trait, further confirming my House identity). She always seems somehow disconnected from reality, with one foot in the real world and one in a daydream. She's the only one of what I consider to be the core members of Dumbledore's Army to not be in Gryffindor, and she really doesn't care that other people might find her behaviour weird, and she's still a very compassionate, fair human being.

You just read all that thinking 'but what does this have to do with AS?' Well, if you look at those last two paragraphs properly it tells you how it affects me. I'm smart but inept, and very picky about how I want things, and I often feel like I don't completely fit in, and all of those can be attributed to AS. But I'm proud to be me, and I genuinely care about other people. (I'm actually not a sociopath.)

Many of the above traits are quite typical for someone with autism or are a common stereotype (look at me, breaking the mould!(4)), but, as previously mentioned, everyone is different. Like others, I sometimes enjoy the sensation of pressure, and I experience obsessions. I can't control these, and they frequently annoy the people around me, but it's a fact of life. I'm not alone. However, whilst most people with AS appear to have factual obsessions, mine are typically rooted in fictional worlds. That's the way it's been since I was a little girl, although my early years were always marked with an extreme love for sea creatures that continued until very recently. (There's a reason people started calling me 'Molphin'.) Aside from the fishy thing, my obsessions typically last around six months. Sometimes less, and sometimes I retain an interest in something even after the main obsession fades, but that's the usual pattern. I also have a gift for the English language. In actual fact, I was never actually taught to read. I just could one day, and apparently it really freaked my mum out! It's called hyperlexia, and whilst I'm not entirely sure it's a result of my autism, there's probably a connection somewhere.
I differ from the stereotypical 'pattern' in other ways too. I never liked trains much and I'm okay with physical contact provided it's with someone I a) know, b) trust, and c) like. So I'm very tactile with my mum, friends, and assorted relatives, but not with strangers (the tour guide with us when I went to Kennedy Space Center creeped me out so much), people who've upset me or annoy me, or those people at family reunions. You know the sort - the kind that you can't remember ever meeting in your life but who are apparently related to you and so you have to be nice to them.

But it doesn't matter how I'm similar or different from you. I think that, deep down, we're all made of the same stuff. All I ask is that you treat me, and others vaguely like me, with the same sort of respect you'd treat others.

Because, for all my jokes to the contrary, I'm still human. Just like you.

(1)non-autistic
(2)if this is the wrong word, then here you go, more proof of my non-expertness!
(3)http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/idiosyncrasy (it's hard to explain)
(4)I might struggle to pick up on sarcasm when you use it sometimes, but I'm very good at wielding it myself!

In Which I Am Confused By Everything

I've been told I have a fast processing speed (hence my unintelligible speech, apparently), a scientific mind (true) and a 'sparkly brain' (whatever that's supposed to mean). In other words, I'm smart.
I'm also (to quote Sheldon Cooper's mother) 'dumb as soup'. Everything confuses me! Sometimes it's because I overthink things. Other times I'm just being really, really dense.

I have a basic understanding of quantum theory but I'm still not completely sure how to order in McDonalds.
I have been known to get marjoram and marijuana mixed up in my head.
I couldn't tell the time until a few years ago, when everyone else my age had long since figured it out.

What I'm trying to say is this: sometimes I have flashes of brilliant genius, but more often than not what I am about to do or say is mind-blowingly stupid.
 

So without further ado, here is a sample of the everyday things that reduce me to a gibbering pile of 'WTF?' as the rest of the world accepts their existence and moves on with its collective day.
 

1) Kale
It's healthy, it's digestible, it's approved of by Misha Collins...pretty great, right? I should feel good about it! Except it is leafy and green, and I just don't do leafy and green. In my experience, leafy and green means disgusting, but I don't know if kale is disgusting until I try it, and I'm not having my dad purchase something that is, in all likelihood, Satan's shrubbery just to see if I like it. If I do, great! If not, I'll still have to eat it because I insisted we buy it. And so I find myself standing in a cafeteria, staring at one of the meals on offer debating whether or not I like kale enough to order it rather than just getting something I definitely liked, no questions asked.
 

2) 90% of adverts.
We've all seen them. Adverts that depict takeaways that arrive so rapidly the buyer and his girlfriend have enough time to strip and get changed again without the poor delivery guy getting a flash of undies. Insurance commercials that decide that the best way to show how awesome they are is to have a fat, pig-like goblin thing reading the newspaper as it urinates in the face of a guy in the bath, only to explode in a sudden puff of feathers to reveal what can only be the unholy offspring of a teddy bear and a puppy that talks in the most annoying voice known to mankind. What the hell, advertisers?
Whilst most people just tune it out, blindly accept it, or (in some cases) actually understand it, I'm left looking helplessly at the TV with questions no-one can answer. How does showing what could be a lengthy process indicate the speed of your delivery service? Just what kind of hellspawn is that thing? (And also, Beagle Street, why have that abomination representing your firm in televised propaganda when you could have something logical like, I don't know, a beagle?) What the Hell is going on here?
 

3) The Simpsons (or, more precisely, their kids)
This one came to mind a moment ago. Ever noticed how Bart, Lisa and Maggie all have hair that blends seamlessly into their skulls whereas every other character, including other blondes, has a clearly-defined hairline and some variation in shade from their absurd, minion-esque skin tone? Why?
And also, how can the spawn of a guy with brown hair and a woman with blue hair be all blondes? Even if we accept the hypothesis that both Homer and Marge carry a recessive allele for blonde hair, the odds of all three children being heterozygous for this allele is about one in sixteen. Unlikely. (It's kind of disturbing what I can think of when it's late at night and I'm searching for examples of my eternal confusion)
 

4) The future of the Simpsons
In multiple episodes we see glimpses of a future world in which Lisa is married to Milhouse, Bart is divorced and a deadbeat, and Maggie just won't shut up. Yet, in all those years the show has been on air, no-one has aged a day. When is this future? How will it be reached? Is it achievable? Just what is going on here?
 

5) Purgatory
I don't mean the religious one, I mean the Supernatural one. It's been established that it's pretty difficult to get in or out of the place. The souls only get out when a certain ritual is performed at an eclipse. Cas and Dean only get in when Dick Roman explodes all over them.
So how did Heaven's forces get in to retrieve Cas, as Naomi says they did?
I'll just go ahead and assume they didn't get into Monster Heaven via mass-suicide, because a) we have no proof dead angels go to Purgatory (although it's a reasonable hypothesis (and my personal headcanon) because they have to go somewhere), and b) the retrieval of Castiel implies they also got out. Kinda hard to do if you're dead.
The eclipse has been and gone (of course, they could have gotten Death to cause yet another, but by this point I'm pretty sure the guy's just completely done with angelic bullshit because this is really not his job) and I doubt they have the power or weaponry necessary to blow up another Leviathan or coerce the necessary beings into giving blood for the Purgatory-opening spell.
And if they just flew in, this opens up a bunch of other plot-holes. The entire sixth season now becomes completely irrelevant, because, rather than have Samuel Campbell and the Winchesters tracking down all those Alpha monsters and torturing them for info, Crowley could have just had Cas fly through, collect the souls, and leave again. (This would, presumably, also have prevented our favourite little angel in a trenchcoat from gulping down all those Leviathans, rendering the seventh season also nonexistent and saving the fandom (and Dean) a lot of heartache as we watch poor sweet Castiel become taken over by Leviathan, walk into the lake, and then come back to life as a married amnesiac.) So what exactly happened? And how?
 

6) Concert audiences
Who exactly starts the synchronised clapping or waving? How do they know when to stop or change? Has anyone ever started clapping or waving only to be left looking like an idiot as no-one else joins in? How does this whole system work?
 

This is by no means a comprehensive list. This is merely a sample.
There are actually quite a few everyday things - like what to do with expired debit cards - that make me just stand there awkwardly and rely on my mother for instructions.
So yeah.

Schrödinger's Ship

[I deleted this by accident. Sorry]

Schrödinger's Cat is the famous thought experiment created by Erwin Schrödinger to debunk a theory related to quantum theory, or quantum mechanics, or quantum something-or-other (I'm only studying physics at GCSE level, so much of my knowledge of the theory comes from Wikipedia, a YouTube video my boring teacher showed us once, a debate thread on IGGY.net, and flicking through science books in Waterstone's, so my knowledge of what it actually is is a little on the sketchy side) to debunk the Copenhagen Interpretation of a concept called 'superposition' - a state in which a radioactive atom is both decayed and not-decayed in the same instant. If you think this sounds ridiculous, you and Schrödinger would probably be best buddies. He'd think I was a nutcase, making him the latest in a very long line.

Because he agreed that this theory was stupid, he devised the following experiment: a live cat is placed in a box with a hammer, a vial of toxic nastiness (possibly cyanide in some form) and a single atom for a set period of time. If this atom decayed within the time limit, the vial would be smashed and the cat would die. If the atom did not decay, the cat would live (yay!). Either one of these scenarios wouldn't go down well with the animal welfare people, which perhaps explains why he didn't try it.

The Copenhagen Interpretation posits that, since until the box is opened we cannot tell which state the cat is in, and therefore it could, theoretically, be both alive and dead (bringing to mind an episode of M*A*S*H during which Henry Blake decides that the father of a local woman's child, based on her somewhat unhelpful description, is 'Pierce and/or McIntyre’ - more on this in a moment), but that the act of observing the cat (or, as the case may be, ex-cat) would force it to become alive or dead, as opposed to both. Schrödinger's thought experiment appears to disprove the theory - the cat being alive and dead is, quite frankly, bizarre. It's not worth thinking about. Forget it. Go Schrödinger. You've saved us all from a lifetime of stupidity.

But wait! How can we prove the cat is not in a superposition? We cannot, unless we make some form of measurement, thereby destroying the fragile balance of life and death! Schrödinger's Cat may, in fact, raise more questions about the nature of reality than it solves. Sorry, Schrödy. So, referring back to Henry's biologically impossible scenario of earlier, the cat is alive and/or dead. And this is where it gets interesting.

You see, if the life of a cat cannot be determined clearly, what else can we apply superposition to? My immediate answer to this was, of course, fandom. Or, more precisely, shipping. (Shipping, for those of you who don't know,is the act of pairing two characters -or, occasionally, real people- together. Like, together-together.) And I just so happen to be both an out-and-proud M*A*S*H fan (my dad got me into it) and die-hard shipper of Hawpper (aka HT, TH or, canonically, PierceIntyre) - that is to say, I think Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John McIntyre (now you know who I was talking about earlier!) were a couple.

It doesn't matter to me that M*A*S*H was set in the 50s and they didn't really have gay rights back then. It doesn't matter to me that Trapper was married with two kids (now I sound like a total bitch, don't I?) It doesn't matter to me that he left without saying goodbye. None of this matters, because love conquers all. Yes, I know the show ended about 16 years before I was born, and no, I don't care. Some people, according to The Fault in Our Stars, just have, y'know, really faulty stars.

But what does all this have to do with Schrödy's poor, unfortunate zombie cat? Well, think back. The show never explicitly stated that Hawk and Trap were sleeping together/dating/pining over each other/whatevz (there are many different interpretations in the wonderful world of fanfiction) - but there were a hell of a lot of hints. And, although Trapper left without a word, he did give Radar a kiss to pass on to - you guessed it - Hawkeye. In spite of this, we never observed a relationship per se, yet logic tells us that there was none, so that is what most people believe. After all, between stitching up wounded and trying to get off with every nurse in camp, there was simply no time left over for each other, right? Then there's the whole homophobic-country thing, and the fact that Trap was married with two kids (I do feel a little bad about this; I'm not that heartless). Just as the odds are that the cat was dead (even if the atom didn't decay, the cat could have somehow smashed the vial itself whilst trying to escape the box - Schrödinger didn't think this through enough), it's likely that Hawk and Trap's friendship was just that. But, with probability, there's always a chance your prediction is inaccurate. The cat could still be alive. Hawpper could have been canon all along. In light of the hints I mentioned, it would fit pretty well.

If we never saw concrete evidence either way (by concrete, I mean one of them having a committed relationship that didn't involve adultery, or an outright proclamation of non-slashness), we cannot say conclusively that they weren't together. This logic applies to the vast majority of ships in any fandom, to be honest. Who says we shippers got it wrong? Who says our ships are sunk? Who says we have to listen to what canon tells us? I offer up my genuine thanks to Catman, for providing us with this proof that we cannot be disproved. I hereby dub this new variant of the theory the Seoul Interpretation. Or the Crabapple Cove Interpretation, whichever works for you.

Schrödinger would be turning in his grave.

And, with regards to the 'Pierce and/or McIntyre' conjecture (note: I may be misusing the word 'conjecture' here), I offer my insight. There's only one was that baby could belong to both of them (in case you're wondering, it bore no relation to either), and it doesn't involve her whatsoever...and it's biologically impossible under these circumstances. So there you have it.

An Interloper's Guide To Night Vale, #1

Picture the scene.

The location: somewhere in the American Southwest.

It is almost nighttime. You are tired, but you're still far from your destination and it's miles to the nearest motel. You can't sleep in the car; you've tried.

You decide to keep driving. If you go fast, you could potentially make it to civilisation before you fall asleep at the wheel.

Your eyelids begin to droop.

Staying awake is a constant effort.

You hear a voice on the radio (and you could have sworn you hadn't even had it on). There is something mildly sinister about it - and yet you are somehow comforted. You no longer feel so alone out there in the desert.

You take your eyes off the road a moment, then, correcting yourself, regain your focus.

You find yourself driving past a sign that had been nowhere in sight a moment ago. You read it aloud, and, by sheer coincidence -or possibly Fate - the voice on the radio is saying the same words.

"Welcome to Night Vale."

If this sounds like you or someone you know, then you (or they) are going to need a guide.

In this series, I shall be explaining everything you will need to know in order to survive.
 

First things first: Dangers and Miscellaneous Threats

Please don't be afraid. I know it's an ominous thing to start a guidebook with, but it's only right you should be warned. After all, it's an everyday part of Night Valean life.
 

1) A Vague, Yet Menacing Government Agency has a notable presence in Night Vale. We do not know who they are. We do not know what they do. (Well, Steve Carlsberg thinks he knows, but no-one really listens to him. NO ONE LIKES YOU, STEVE!) But we are afraid.
 

2) No-one knows the intents of the hooded figures in the dog park. Nor do we know what lies behind the electrified fence and smooth obsidian walls. All we know is this: dogs are not allowed in the dog park. People are not allowed in the dog park. The dog park will not harm you. However, I am not so sure the hooded figures will be so merciful.
 

3) I'm also not certain that the Glow Cloud will harm you. However, it does have an unpleasant habit of raining dead animals, and I'm pretty sure it wants to seize control of our little burgh. With regular offerings and hymns of praise, however, it's completely harmless! Mostly. ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GLOW CLOUD!
 

4) Should you stop by the radio station here in Night Vale, I recommend steering clear of Station Management. You'll recognise their office door as you pass it; it's the stone slab with a feeling of despair and torment emanating from behind it. No-one really knows what kind of a thing Station Management is. (You may have gathered that we Night Valeans don't know a lot about the terrors that plague us, only that they exist) All we know is that it is a strange and terrible thing. Don't get too close should it choose to emerge, lest you be killed, eaten or corporeally absorbed.
 

5) If you are a celiac, or are otherwise intolerant to gluten or wheat, then Night Vale might just prove to be a haven for you. We have many things, but wheat and wheat byproducts aren't among them. That's because they have an unfortunate tendency to turn into snakes and/or evil spirits. If you brought this abomination or its byproducts within the city limits, you should probably burn them, just to be on the safe side. If nothing else, it will spare you a visit from the Sheriff's Secret Police and a session of reeducation.
 

6) Every Night Valean citizen knows how to interpret the helicopters above them. You, on the other hand, probably can't. If it's black, it's World Government. Get back inside. If it's blue, relax. It's the Sheriff's Secret Police. You're probably fine. If it's yellow with murals of birds of prey, then it is StrexCorp - but that's okay. Since the...definitely not angels...took it over it's not been a threat at all.
 

7) Of course, there is a danger from Night Valeans themselves. As a general rule, natives here don't like outsiders much. Not even me when I got here. There are, however, two ways to earn our trust. One is to make a positive impact on someone with status (random SSP officers will not suffice. I'm talking Voice of Night Vale or higher) so citizens will have no choice but to love you. No, seriously, they will have no choice. You don't wanna know what they do to dissenters. The other way is to survive long enough to show them you're indestructible and worthy of respect. Or, like our community's favourite outsider, Carlos the Scientist, you could do both. It's hard, but doable. Ish.

I hope you will find this helpful.
 

Next time: we take a look at interesting locations that you can visit and/or run screaming from.